My little bud

(Davis and his Gigi)

It's been a while since I've given you an update on my little man's health, and given his troublesome beginning and the many prayers you all sent our way, I thought it was high time to a)let you see his sweet face and b)brag about my boy for a minute.

We had quite a wild ride there for a while. And by wild I mean horrifying and gut wrenching. But it taught us to (insert cheesy cliché here) enjoy every single minute, and so that's what we've been doing.

Since coming home from the hospital in October Davis has been at the Cardiologist every 2-3 weeks. They listen to him, re-dose his medicines based on his always impressive weight gain, and we go on our way with the promise to, again, "just wait and see." No one really knows what is going to happen to his little heart, but I think we're about to find out.

After five months of normal home life and (Praise The Lord) no medical emergencies, they've decided to let him start outgrowing all but one of his medicines. It will be a gradual process, as they essentially just stopped increasing the dosage even though he's rapidly gaining weight. We get a two month break from doctor's appointments and will return in May for a full battery of tests to assess how his heart is reacting to less medicinal support.

Obviously during this time we'll be watching him closely (which, since his birth, has proved to be my favorite extra-curricular activity) for any changes in his behavior, appetite, breathing, etc… But I'm afraid I'm going to be one stressed mama for the next few months. I tend to get strong gut feelings about things and I really feel like he's going to be ok without the medicine, but I have to prepare for the chance that he is not, and that is a very scary place to be.

Davis is, by far the happiest child I have ever seen. My mother will vouch for this, and she's not one to b.s He adores his big sissy. And he is all boy. The kid is six months old and can't even sit on his own yet but is up on all fours almost crawling. He has a grip like a sumo wrestler and all he wants to do is roll around and play with his toys. And drool. And spit. And smile. He is a chubby little piece of heaven.

In my heart I obviously hope for a healthy little boy. For a more normal life that includes actually taking him into public. For a time when he doesn't take 5 doses of medicine every single day. But these are all selfish things. All I really want is him, however I can get him. And if that means we have to keep giving him medicine, or skip dinners out with friends, or live without the peace of mind of knowing he's ok than I'll be ok with that.

I often wonder if a time will come that I don't think about our time in the hospital for a day. Or even half a day. It's the first thing I think of when I see him in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to bed at night. Sometimes at night when I feed him I just rock him and cry. Or blog and cry. It's an experience my heart clearly has not healed from. And honestly, I don't know if it ever will. I wish I could say that this has helped me in my inability to deal with uncertainty but I don't think it has. I do know it has given my life perspective and for that I am eternally grateful.

For now, we will just continue to wait and see, and soak up as many slobbery kisses as we can along the way.

Delegating

Have I mentioned before that life with two kids and two working parents is just a little bit crazy? I use crazy in the most upbeat, positive sense of the word, but there is no denying it's frenetic, chaotic connotation.

I worried when I was pregnant with Davis that there would never be enough hours in the day. And there aren't. I'd be lying if I said that most days I don't feel pulled in 97 different directions. While the kids and Matt are my priorities, it still takes a lot of planning and effort to provide the best life for them. Nutritious dinners don't just appear. The house does not clean itself. And it's difficult for me to not always feel these things running through the back of my mind. I would love to sit down and have a relaxing dinner with my family, but I often eat standing up while I load the dishwasher and clean the pots and pans so that after dinner, I can sit and engage with the kids and not worry about the dishes. Do I think this is setting a good example for Madelyn? No. I never want them to feel like they come second to my swiffer, but that's not always easy.

Until Friday, when I conceded defeat made an appointment to have the house cleaned. We haven't had our house professionally cleaned since September and that was only because we were in the hospital and totally incapable of doing it ourselves. And our new financial situation with Davis' nanny doesn't exactly leave much room for delegating these types of duties. But sometimes you just need a break. And I knew after making that appointment, as my stress level instantaneously dissipated, that it was the right thing to do.

And last night, when we sat in our freshly cleaned house and I didn't feel pulled to do anything at all except sit with my babies, it was perfectly clear to me that sometimes you just need to delegate. My kids don't care if the house is clean, but if hiring someone to do it allows me to engage with them on a deeper level, it's worth every penny.

Product Rave

A few weeks ago I co-hosted a baby shower for my sweet sister-in-law who is about to bring us our first nephew, Logan Callihan. I decided to source the invites from an etsy seller called Sweet Birdie's Nest and just had to share them because I was SO thrilled with how they came out.

Not only were the owners Beverly and Heidi wonderful to work with, they threw me in an extra art print for free which turned out to be the perfect centerpiece for our food table. I wish I had taken more pictures because the set up turned out really beautiful. We had a cute yellow chevron runner and bright yellow flowers in mason jars to highlight our "you are my sunshine" theme :)

Here are the goodies. I think it goes without saying that I'd recommend this shop anytime and will definitely use them again. Probably for my little girl's THIRD birthday next month (don't even ask me how that happened).

Aren't they beautiful?!

Life...lately...

Things have been a little crazy about casa de Marden lately.

Work is super busy and I've essentially been on my computer every night from the time the kids go to bed until I go to bed, which is still around 10 p.m. because I'm a geriatric 30 year old who needs her 8 hours. I don't like working this much because I feel like other things are suffering but as everything does, it will pass.

Last night I put the computer away and spent 40 minutes taking my stress out on my yoga mat and it felt really good.

In other news I bought my first push up bra this week. This is what nursing does to you, girls. Take note.

I also picked up this bathing suit from J Crew on sale and then realized I bought something with horizontal stripes across my bum. Rookie mistake.



Our best friends had a sweet baby boy named Bryson who is just precious. Aside from the major benefit of holding a sweet little newborn, I finally got to use my cute Erin Condren labels to deliver food to them!

Speaking of newborn- this guy is about to be six months old and I am having some serious issues with how quickly he's growing up. It is very bittersweet when your last baby is aging at the speed of light.

Madelyn is especially enjoying time with her little brother now that he's not quite so floppy. Don't mind that he looks scared for his life.

And lastly, I just wanted to share this picture of me and Matt, because I find as we get older we take far fewer pictures together, and he looks so handsome I just couldn't help it :)

How I'm becoming a hippie mama vol.1

They say becoming a parent changes everything. And that's true. But what I didn't expect was my gradual decline into a baby-wearing, organic detergent using, cloth diapering granola hippie.

Yet here I am.

I guess between watching Food Inc., my best friend's obsession with Paleo, and recall after recall of Aveeno and Johnson & Johnson baby products, I had just had enough.

So here is the story of how I fell down the hippie rabbit hole. Volume 1: baby food.

With Madelyn I told everyone I was going to make her food but truth be told, I was a completely overwhelmed parent for the majority of her first year and not once did our old blender produce an ounce of food for her sweet mouth. Instead, I bought Earth's Best organic food in crates from the grocery store and felt like a total failure. It was organic, she loved it, yet I was defeated. Hippie lesson numero uno: Chill the F Out.

Now here we are and Davis is of age to partake in solid foods. I'm in a much better place and have been planning on making his food for months now. I'm still the parent who turns down her nose at conventional apples, uses the phrase "flax seed" far too often, and who wouldn't give her child Gerber if his life depended on it (with a flair for the dramatic. Obvs.) But I realize I have limits. I'm a working mother. I'll do the best I can and he will be just fine.

So, I'll be using this weekend stock up on said organic produce and then proceed to steam, dice, and puree anything that will stand still long enough. I'll be proud of myself but I'll also know that there will be days when it's easier to succumb to the little glass jars and that's ok.

After all, I always recycle them.

No more manic Mondays

When I went back to work I decided to do so at 80% capacity, so now I only work Tuesday-Friday and I have every Monday off to spend with the littles.

It's fabulous.

And honestly, it is so surprising what a difference one day makes. From a personal perspective it gives us a day to ease into the week, clean the house, run errands (though I have yet to leave the house with both children by myself), and obviously, spend time w/ Davis and Madelyn. From a professional perspective, I still get to experience the fulfillment that comes from my job and (Bonus) the weeks go by so much faster when you only work four days.

Here are a few snapshots from this past Monday. While Davis took his first nap Madelyn and I had a proper tea party in her playroom. She was an excellent hostess, sharing her "cupcakes" with all of her babies and animals and vigilantly pouring me more tea when mine ran out. When Davis was up we would sing songs, read books, or just roll around on the floor together. At one point I left Madelyn alone in her room for a few minutes and upon my return was greeted by her smiling face sitting deep in her closet, covered in what appeared to be a massive explosion of blankets, books, and dresses. She told me she was driving her babies to the park and the closet was her car, which made me wonder if perhaps my personal vehicle has been a bit too cluttered lately giving her the wrong impression.

We also did all of our cooking for the week. I've said before that the only way I can ensure I get healthy food on the table at night is to have one batch cooking session per week so that everything is ready in the fridge when we get home from work. It saves me so much stress and effort and allows me a lot more time to play with the kiddos after work each day when all I have to do is final prep or reheating.

This week we made:

Petite Meatloaves
Baked blueberry oatmeal
Brussels sprouts with bacon
A big batch of my Grandma's chopped spinach
Tilapia in mustard sauce
And planned to supplement with a freezer batch of meatballs for spaghetti and some salads.

No more manic Mondays for this mama. Can I get an Amen?!

r.a.o.k.

I made one New Year's resolution this year. Just one. It wasn't to lose weight or save more money, I'm sick to death of hearing people resolve those things year after year. Instead I wanted to focus on myself and the relationships that mean the most to me. I wanted to work on being a better friend, mother, wife, and employee.

I decided that to execute this idea I would start doing random acts of kindness for people (dubbed r.a.o.k. above) in my life- regularly- so that they know how often I think of them, and how much their involvement in my life matters to me even if it's only fleeting or occasional. I have to tell you—these little acts have brought so much joy to my life. Seriously, I am constantly thinking of what little thing I can do next. The acts I've done have been so simple- I sent a book to a sorority sister, a card to a family member I hadn't talked to in a while, and put together a little valentine for our nanny (who I don't think has a valentine and that makes me sad). This may be the best thing I could do for myself because it instantly takes my thoughts off of ME and puts them on someone else.

And it totally validates the theory, as if I didn't know this already, that doing things for others is always better than doing them for yourself.