Monday, November 19, 2012

Packing simplified

Now, before you judge, I swear I do not have a compulsive organizing disorder. It just so happens that I find comfort in the orderly. And in the midst of the absolute chaos that has been the past four weeks of our life, I had to do something to harness my anxiety.

So this past week my mom called and asked if she could steal Madelyn away for a few days before all of the Thanksgiving craziness began. She lives in Florida but it just so happened my aunt was heading down and said she could take Madelyn with her, so we said ok.

Of course, with impeccable timing, one of the bloggers I follow on Instagram was posting pictures of this amazing idea she used to pack her kids for their vacation. So I copied. It is the highest form of flattery, no?

Each gallon ziploc bag has a full outfit with coordinating hair accessory, panties, and socks where applicable. There is a separate bag for jammies and other misc. accessories. As you can see, hot trends for this winter include pink, leopard print, and Tangled panties.

I wanted Madelyn to be able to pick out her outfit each day, and my mom to have an easy time seeing what was in there. And for me, I got to stand back and admire each outfit- neatly folded and happily compartmentalized.

Now if I could just find bags big enough to hold my clothes...

Life lately

Life lately has taken precedence over blogging, and at this point it's all I can do to keep my head above water so apologies for the lack of posts (I'm talking to you Mom and Aunt Sue).

As the transition into daycare has eased from an emotional standpoint, Davis' poor immune system is still adjusting to the onslaught of daily germs and has been pretty sick with strep throat since this past Thursday, running as high as a 103.8 fever (and greying his mother's hair by the second.) His mother, apparently still still also adjusting to a toddler-like immune system has a double ear infection. We visited four doctors in three days because then I had a skin reaction to the antibiotics. I'm totally fine, D is on the mend, and I'm somewhat grateful I can't take any more meds because it was making me feel negligent when I'd take them with a glass of red. Now I can enjoy my wine guilt free.

We also received amazing news from his cardiologist today that we can drop another one of his meds which leaves just ONE that he has to take daily. His heart looks fantastic, function is great, and we are overjoyed.

My work is particularly demanding right now as I prepare for a trip to Barcelona to help with a very large and very difficult five day meeting. I'm basically working every night once the kids are down until I go to sleep....and I wonder why I'm sick...

I am excited for Thanksgiving, but even more excited for Christmas because I am planning to really unplug. I joked with my boss that for those last two weeks of the year I was going "off the grid" and that I wouldn't be reachable by cell or otherwise. I said it jokingly, but it's awfully tempting.

I have tons of fun projects I hope I get around to sharing eventually- lately I've found comfort in crafting and organizing and while I've successfully convinced my sister I have a serious disorder, I'm ok with that. She's probably right.

I hope you all have a wonderful, safe, and healthy holiday!!!

Please keep those families in your prayers who may be spending theirs in the hospital. I never stop thinking about them.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Being a mom is hard

Being a mom is hard

Like, really hard. The people that tell you that, your mother who often reminded you of that- they weren't lying. It's actually really fascinating how you can feel such emotion for someone that isn't you.

And it's hard for reasons you don't expect. It's not just the sleep deprivation, or the semi-loss of a social life, or the inability to leave the house in something that's not dirty or wrinkled. It's hard because of the worry. Because when you have to let go a little you can actually feel your heart break. But really because of the worry.

Yesterday I took my sweet little miracle boy to daycare and it has not gone as I would have hoped. He's scared, he doesn't know anyone or understand why his mommy is leaving him in this loud, scary place. He cries a lot. He won't really sleep and barely eats—and nothing is more uncharacteristic of Davis than not eating. When I picked him up yesterday his face was red and swollen and I could not squeeze him fast enough.

And today when I left he cried and cried as a stranger tried to calm him down and his mommy walked out the door. And I came home and cried and cried because my poor baby thinks I abandoned him and he doesn't feel safe, or comforted, or understand at all why he is at this weird place.

I know it sounds ridiculous. People take their children to daycare every day, he just needs to get used to it, he is safe and he will be fine. I get it.

But he's not just another baby. He's my baby. And when he is upset, I am upset. And I feel like I've failed him. And that is why being a mom is hard.

You have to make hard decisions, and sacrifices, and it isn't always fair. In the midst of that, you have to feel emotions that you can't comprehend or even control most of the time. You doubt yourself constantly and there is nothing you can do about it. And some days it's just hard, and there's nothing you can do about that either.
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