Tuesday, March 27, 2012

My little bud

(Davis and his Gigi)

It's been a while since I've given you an update on my little man's health, and given his troublesome beginning and the many prayers you all sent our way, I thought it was high time to a)let you see his sweet face and b)brag about my boy for a minute.

We had quite a wild ride there for a while. And by wild I mean horrifying and gut wrenching. But it taught us to (insert cheesy cliché here) enjoy every single minute, and so that's what we've been doing.

Since coming home from the hospital in October Davis has been at the Cardiologist every 2-3 weeks. They listen to him, re-dose his medicines based on his always impressive weight gain, and we go on our way with the promise to, again, "just wait and see." No one really knows what is going to happen to his little heart, but I think we're about to find out.

After five months of normal home life and (Praise The Lord) no medical emergencies, they've decided to let him start outgrowing all but one of his medicines. It will be a gradual process, as they essentially just stopped increasing the dosage even though he's rapidly gaining weight. We get a two month break from doctor's appointments and will return in May for a full battery of tests to assess how his heart is reacting to less medicinal support.

Obviously during this time we'll be watching him closely (which, since his birth, has proved to be my favorite extra-curricular activity) for any changes in his behavior, appetite, breathing, etc… But I'm afraid I'm going to be one stressed mama for the next few months. I tend to get strong gut feelings about things and I really feel like he's going to be ok without the medicine, but I have to prepare for the chance that he is not, and that is a very scary place to be.

Davis is, by far the happiest child I have ever seen. My mother will vouch for this, and she's not one to b.s He adores his big sissy. And he is all boy. The kid is six months old and can't even sit on his own yet but is up on all fours almost crawling. He has a grip like a sumo wrestler and all he wants to do is roll around and play with his toys. And drool. And spit. And smile. He is a chubby little piece of heaven.

In my heart I obviously hope for a healthy little boy. For a more normal life that includes actually taking him into public. For a time when he doesn't take 5 doses of medicine every single day. But these are all selfish things. All I really want is him, however I can get him. And if that means we have to keep giving him medicine, or skip dinners out with friends, or live without the peace of mind of knowing he's ok than I'll be ok with that.

I often wonder if a time will come that I don't think about our time in the hospital for a day. Or even half a day. It's the first thing I think of when I see him in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to bed at night. Sometimes at night when I feed him I just rock him and cry. Or blog and cry. It's an experience my heart clearly has not healed from. And honestly, I don't know if it ever will. I wish I could say that this has helped me in my inability to deal with uncertainty but I don't think it has. I do know it has given my life perspective and for that I am eternally grateful.

For now, we will just continue to wait and see, and soak up as many slobbery kisses as we can along the way.

1 comment:

Kristin said...

I want to eat his chubby toes. P.S. You need to update your sidebar. Davis has not yet made an appearance and Madelyn doesn't really look like that anymore. :) xo

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